When the Control Freak Loses Control

control freak

For those that know me well…they may describe me as a “control freak” which according to Google is “a person who feels an obsessive need to exercise control over themselves and others and to take command of any situation.” I wouldn’t say it has reached a critical stage but I do like to do things a certain way, plan things and let’s say I have a way of ‘influencing’ my environment to work to my advantage. I remember living in a house with 3 of my other mates in uni and “influencing” them to clean the house weekly, that was me being a control freak BUT I thought it was in our best interest to do! Also in the case of a parent-child relationship, control is vital but too much could be detrimental to the relationship and life choices of the child in adulthood. However in life, situations happen to us or others which are NOT always within our control and this can be difficult for most people and agonising for a control freak like me. So how do we deal with that state of powerlessness/helplessness? How do we restrain ourselves from melting into the ground, punching a wall or tearing our hair out?! Well I have a few tips on how I have learnt to manage these situations, took me a few years but it helps me and may help you too.

  1. Know your limitations

When we’re living our daily lives its lovely jubbly and when things go according to plan or happen the way we expect – it’s great! Life is great when things go our way. However there are times when life strikes us a hard blow and we are reminded that we aren’t as in control as we think we or as much as we’d like to be. This could be in any area from work, to your health, relationships, and future ambitions – anything! It is at this point, that I believe, we reach the end of ourselves. This is what separates us from God, who controls space and time, yet we interact with it – He is independent of and the master of it. So even though we may lose control, I believe that God is still in control and will work things out in our favour in His appointed time. Some may disagree but that is my belief.  

  1. Invest in what you CAN control

In the meantime, when things are going wrong in life it is very tempting to enter a downwards spiral of doom and just resonate there. However we often forget that there are parts of our lives that we can control. We still have a hand of influence over our lives. For example I’m asthmatic and if I get sick I get SUPER sick and start wheezing and need to take time of work etc – it’s long. I feel slightly powerless in that situation or when it’s cold and I run for a bus and start wheezing BUT I noticed that the more I exercised and played sport, I reacted less negatively to cold weather and jogging, which was great. I felt like I had regained a sense of a control again. So be it our lifestyle choices, our social interactions or our dress sense…there are parts of our lives that we have full reign over, so let us BYOB (Be Your Own Boss) in that area!!!!

  1. Don’t focus on what you can’t control

Just to reiterate my last point, let us not dwell on what we cannot control. This can be a real burden on our minds and affect our mental well-being. The frustration and anxiety can draw a lot of life out of us. Avoid wasting energy in the wrong place. There’s a serenity prayer which I love to read and my favourite line is this “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” This truly is my prayer for everyone, we may not rule the world but we are still rulers in our own right over various aspects of our lives. Never forget that.

  1. Exercise control that guides but doesn’t imprison

Now back to the ‘control freak’ issue, so growing up I’m sure I used to irritate some friends with my controlling ways but I do believe it was beneficial at times. I sometimes tie in control with organisation and structure but also in a broader sense leadership. In some situations when everyone else is clueless or have no suggestion/idea to bring to the table being a control freak can be beneficial as you will just make a suggestion and run with it. Being a control freak in moderation is actually not too bad; it actually shows you’re an influential person. This being said, there is the far left side of it where you control people or situations so much until you suffocate them. Imprison them. So much so that they are drowning in your arms, wanting to break free but your grip just tightens around them. Now that type of control is not healthy. It’s important to check yourself, set some limits and if your ego can take it…ask people to communicate to you when your control streak is getting a bit too excessive!

Well that’s all from me today folks! I hope you enjoyed the read. If you did? Please Like, Follow and Share! 

2 thoughts on “When the Control Freak Loses Control

  1. You’re a great writer Chinedu! I think you and your cousin have a little something in common…hmm… lol but I completely understand what you are saying, there’s nothing wrong with being a bit of a control freak if it is influencing others in a positive way. Being with Okey has helped me grow and mature and part of that is because he wants things his way, or the “right” way…well of course we get into arguments and sometimes he sees that my way is better, lol. It’s all about compromise and trying to see other’s perspectives, especially the ones you care about most ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your support Dana, I really appreciate it. Haha yes…compromise is so important. One can dominate or try to conform everyone/everything to their way of thinking or doing things. We were all created differently and have something useful to offer! 🙂


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